the daily BATTLE

I don’t think I’m supposed to tell you this. But honesty is the best policy and if it can help you at all, it is worth it.

I am lazy in my heart of hearts. Utterly lazy and wasteful and selfish. A true hedonist.

I dread going to work sometimes. My position is a gift from God and I have a magnificent opportunity to be a change agent in Benton County, yet sometimes…

After work, I want nothing more than to sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing. I want to eat a great meal and read a fiction book or watch a movie… to escape.

My daily battle with myself involves the choice between the easy road and the narrow.

The easy road is living in the “system”, exchanging my precious time for money. Very inefficient if you think about it. Living for the weekends and dreading Mondays. I hate that. The easy road is also of poor quality… not preparing for training sessions and half-hearted studying. You get by, but you’ve sold yourself short to what heights you could claim through total dedication to the task.

The easy road is comfortable and expected. You know what’s coming. I think that is why people return to abusive relationships – they know the abuse is coming but it is comfortable and normal.

The narrow road involves taking ACTION, putting myself at the risk of failure every day through blog posts, ebooks, websites and training. It involves hard work and creativity and discipline. It involves performing the menial and mundane tasks everyday to slowly reach higher through consistency and dedication. The narrow road is everything in between point A and point B… the stuff 80% of people aren’t willing to do, maybe because it’s hard, but mostly because it involves the risk of unknown and unexpected.

It’s really easy to go through life complaining about your job and your circumstances but it takes true dedication to risk change for the life you truly desire.

My daily battle is a fight for dedication. I have this voice in my head that says, You can’t do that. No one wants to listen to you. You have nothing to say. You will fail. People will think you are stupid. You don’t know anything. You can’t. You can’t. You can’t.

I fight this voice, but not with every ounce of my being… only part. The other part of me says, You’re right. I’ll sit here and read instead or eat ice cream and DO NOTHING.

And then I wonder where the time went and why I have nothing completed and why I am still in the same circumstance.

What’s truly ironic is that my mantra of high school was the quote: The only risks in life you’ll regret are the ones you didn’t take. Although it meant something totally different at the time, I have re-claimed it as my mantra today.

I will take risks. I will make myself uncomfortable and I will put myself out there. I will succeed.

2 Comments

  • Jessie

    Reply Reply April 7, 2011

    I feel like this a lot about a lot of things…crappy cheap food, a job that drains you but you stay because the money, school work, etc.
    It’s refreshing to hear someone be honest about it – I think the best step is realizing it and then doing something about it.
    You are a great person Gerilyn – someone I truly think can do anything. Your blog is wonderful to read and I get excited every time I see you posted something new. Keep it up. People do care.
    =)

    • gerilyn

      Reply Reply April 7, 2011

      Awe, thanks Jessie! Your encouragement means a lot!

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