Gestation is a time of development, transition, and growth. A time to take it easy and nurture new life into existence. I’ve been gestating over the past month, taking time to transition, grow, and nurture me.
Here we are in the last full week of February and all you’ve heard from me is, well, silence. Silence on Facebook. Silence on the blog. Silence in groups.
Silence.
Like walking through the woods late at night with a full moon and a warm summer breeze and nothing but the coyotes and crickets to break the calm, serene summer silence.
The truth is that over the last month I’ve been doing lots of processing, lots of re-evaluating, and lots of just plain living.
Things I’ve failed to take time for over the past year and a half when I’ve plowed forward, barrel rolled through, and forced my way forward. And I’d lost my luster, my passion, my motivation for writing, videoing, and even thinking about my “business.”
In essence, I’ve gotten so wrapped up in the operations side of my nutrition coaching and personal training practice over the past year that I’d forgotten why I began this journey in the first place.
I’d lost my love of life and all the rich experiences it gives us every second of every day when we live in the NOW.
It was high time that I began putting more of my advice into practice… like:
- taking those walks in the sunshine for no reason than to smile at fellow walkers
- thank those veterans on the side of the street begging for change for their service, for their sacrifice that cost them their sanity.
- going on an adventure every week, whether it’s ice skating, a day trip, or simply walking to the park.
- spend more time up and out of doors than I do at my computer.
- read more and worry less.
- appreciate my husband and how wonderful he is instead of allow our stress to worm its way between us.
- say “YES!” to opportunities falling in my lap!
- walking across a frozen pond in the Boston Commons (it was only 2 ft deep!)
As I began saying YES to these adventures and opportunities to be with people, be in the world, and share my joy and enthusiasm with as many people as possible, I began understanding the reason why taking care of our bodies and structuring our lives in a way that support us is sooooo important.
And I’m not just talking about eating real food and training effectively, though those are linchpin wellness practices. It goes beyond that to some very powerful lessons I’ve learned like:
Dreams don’t finance themselves.
Living beyond our means creates extreme unnecessary stress and stress kills. I’ve never known how to manage, handle, or grow money, something that created extreme stress in my marriage early on. Since moving to Boston, I’ve completely taken over our finances and while we aren’t sitting on a million (yet) 😉 I’ve made HUGE strides in budgeting and growing our assets.
Investing in women-owned businesses and organizations that empower young women entrepreneurs is a huge dream of mine, but I can’t do that if I don’t have the capital to invest…
Which means it’s time to grow up. Can I be completely honest with you? I’ve been rapidly maturing from a 5-year old emotionally over the past six years. Until this year, I’ve been content to live like a college student, which I thought was the dream life – complete with Rubbermaid drawers as my dresser (seriously!). But living like a pauper just for fun doesn’t finance women-owned business, it doesn’t serve the world. In fact, it only kept me miserable, stuck, and confused.
Much of this confusion lay around my “money consciousness” and the poverty mindset so many of us possess. Poverty mindset basically states that there is only a fixed amount of money in my life, so I should skimp, save, and not spend it all. A wealth or abundance mindset, on the other hand states that the world is full of abundance and I can generate more whenever needed, so be generous.
And then I’ve always had this idea that money was bad, the root of all evil, and that I “shouldn’t” want any at all.
Can you see the struggle here?
But I’m not serving anyone by living poor just because other people in the world are poor. In fact, I’m doing a disservice by not stepping up in a bigger way.
I’ve spent the last month doing the opposite of what everyone else does and saying YES to opportunities to increase my income from a side opportunity (i.e., not nutrition coaching or personal training). In fact, I’ve increased my rates several times, have completely replaced my full-time salaried income in a ZERO-STRESS environment (without trying), AND am turning people away. Interesting….
All of this to say that finances are a huge elephant in the space of so many people’s lives, but no one is willing to talk about it. I’ve started here… let’s start a conversation because life is too short to be buried by debt.
Juicy Relationships Are CHOICE, Not Coincidence.
I cringe every time I hear someone say, “It just didn’t work out…” when referring to a marriage or intimate relationship that fell apart. A successful, deep, thriving relationship of any kind is a choice, not luck, not happenstance, not coincidence or fate.
I love my husband dearly. I love my friends too. But in the same way that friends who don’t talk, speak, or ever keep in contact “drift apart,” so do marriages and intimate relationships that don’t spend consistent quality time together and find ways to keep the new new and the old new.
We NEED novelty, SPICE, and excitement in all of our relationships or we will lose interest. This isn’t luck, but a decision to do new things, read new books, and grow together through life. If you find yourself losing interest in your spouse or friends, try doing something completely different, crazy even (for you!), for a change! Whether it’s going out for ice cream, challenging each other to a 7 Day Gratitude Week, or simply taking a walk… getting outside routine every now and then is vitally important for any relationship to thrive.
My husband and I are pulled from every direction right now, me with three different sources of income and him with school and work. We see each other in passing and say ‘hi’ at night, but that’s about it.
However, we intentionally, consciously, on purpose find a few minutes of high quality time to spend each week – 15 minutes or two hours makes no matter, but it’s the level of presence each of us practices in the NOW, as well as asking simple questions like, “How are you really? How is life right now? What are you reading? What are you interested in and why?”
It’s amazing how we forget the impact of simple points of connection like questions such as, “How was your day?” and mean it.
Our life thrives to the extent we master the basics.
Pausing Isn’t Quitting
Pausing, waiting, and experiencing has been one of the most restorative experiences of my life. I’m busier than ever before – working some 50-60 hours a week compared to my 10 hours a week just one year ago – but have learned more about life, leadership and effectiveness in one month than the last year and a half.
Why?
Because I took the time to pause, reflect, and process the past year and a half, where I am and where I want to go. I took time to think through what I want to accomplish in life and what I’m willing to give to get there. And I realized that pausing wasn’t quitting, except that I’ve quit pushing. Pushing a square rock uphill. Forcing the round peg into the square hole.
So if you’re getting frustrated with your goals right now and your lack of results for all the effort you’ve put in, maybe pausing can be restorative for you too. Not quit, but taking a much-needed break to reflect over what’s working and what’s not, if you need help and how to get it, or just not thinking about it at all for awhile and focusing on something completely different – like planting a garden, reading a great fiction novel, or calling a friend.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on pausing, pushing, and perspective. Leave ’em below.
What I’ve learned from this experience is that perhaps it’s time for a complete paradigm shift in how I grow my practice, how I serve this community, and how to achieve the greatest good with my life.
So thank you for being a part of this awesome community of vibrant women interested in optimizing your wellness to live a purposeful, inspired life! It means so much to know you and be a part of this with you! Your influence and your impact transforms the lives of every single person you come in contact with – with a smile, a word of encouragement, a meal prepared in love, a minute spent whispering… everything counts and the moment each of us realize this and take it seriously is the moment the world begins to burst with life, with growth, with transformation exponentially.
I look forward to connecting you with transformative resources to energize, inspire, and move you towards your fittest body and most delicious life now and in the future. Oh, and if you’re wondering, I’m not pregnant. Though I feel like I’ve been birthed anew to a new me without excuses, without regrets, and with a heart full and spilling over.
Talk soon,
Gerilyn
(Image Courtesy of: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Fd2EwJf2GWY/ToNi6jIfpuI/AAAAAAAAB2U/UbAMAC_xTes/s1600/IMG_4817.JPG)